Nick's Fear
by Bellatlas
Summary: Eight moments when Nick was absolutely terrified... and one moment that made it all worth it.
1\. The first time that Nick felt true fear, the bone-chilling kind where he felt adrenaline radiate out from his heart and ice over his veins, he was eight. No eight year old should ever experience that kind of fear, yet there he was, overjoyed to finally be able to join the Junior Ranger Scouts. Then, as he was saying his pledge to the scouts, those fateful words were uttered: _"even though you're a fox?"_ He felt his heart fall. This was supposed to be fun. These people were supposed to be his friends, but they weren't _acting_ like friends. This wasn't _fun._

Then, the muzzle came out, and they strapped it onto him before he could even wrap his head around the fact that these kids who he thought he'd be best friends with didn't like him before they even met him. That was when he became scared, but it wasn't the fight for you life kind of scared, not yet. It was a bit of fear intermingled with a _lot_ of humiliation. Tears welled up in his eyes as he tried to sort out the situation in his head. Why were they _doing this?_

And then, they started kicking him, _attacking_ him, and _that's_ when the _true_ fear took over. _That's_ when nick realized that not only did being a fox mean that you're called names by total strangers on the street, but that being fox was _dangerous._ _That's_ when he decided that if being a sly untrustworthy fox avoids more muzzles, well, he'd be a sly untrustworthy fox.

\- - o - -

2\. The second time he felt fear to that proportion, almost two decades later, was about the same incident, only instead of reliving that traumatizing moment of his life like he had done in his head a hundred times before, he was re-telling it. Judy was only the second person to know of this story, the first being his mother. He thought that telling her would make her feel better, affirm that yes- Nick the sly fox was indeed her ally on this quest of hers.

There had been several times in his life, almost all of them back before he had become a cunning con-artist, when he had confessed something that had been sitting on his chest like a weight, to his mother or a teacher of some sort. And, what they said was true: you _did_ feel better afterwards. You felt free.

This was not one of those times, though. He felt the opposite of good, the opposite of free. He had spent almost all of his life building a cool carefree exterior - a cool carefree _cage_ \- around himself, and with a few simple sentences uttered to a bunny, all of that work and his whole demeanor had shattered. And yes, perhaps there was no longer a cage around him, and perhaps that meant that he _was_ indeed free, but thing was- he had grown to _like_ his cage. His cage was safety, and that safety being taken away, that was utterly _terrifying._

Judy had tried to get him to open up more about the topic, but he refused to go back to it. They had a case to solve.

\- - o - -

3\. Nick had settled for his entire life. Settled on just being a fox, and settled for not having any true friends. And then suddenly one day, he had a friend. It certainly wasn't with his permission; it certainly wasn't part of his plan. He never would have let this happen had he been given a choice. After all, animals that seem like friends might… not be.

By the time he and Judy had found those missing mammals, though, he was in too deep to turn back. Only, during that awful press conference, she turned out to be just like the rest, too. Nick knew in that moment that he really was just a stupid fox for ever thinking something like the two of them as partners would have worked out. He was angry with her, yes, but wasn't totally ready to give up on their friendship yet, not until Judy reached for her fox repellant. After that, it was over, and he swore to never look back.

Only, Nick did look back. He looked back all the time. Now that he had been given a taste of what his life really could be, he wanted the rest of it. He wanted it badly, and more than anything, he wanted _Judy_ back. Nick wanted his friend back, but would forever be stuck living under a bridge alone and working with a fennec fox that only put up with him for a few hours at a time just so that he could make a few bucks. And realizing that would be the rest of his life, knowing what life could have been like, scared him. It scared him a lot.

He was still mad when Judy showed up at his bridge, having tracked him down. Mad, but utterly relieved, and he knew in an instant that he wouldn't be able to stay mad at Carrots for very long.

\- - o - -

4\. He'd been doing very well as Judy's partner in the ZPD, and loved it. They were the department's best team, a fact that was known by everyone in the department, if not the whole city. But one day, they needed to arrest a wolf who was taking part in some form of gang activity. When Carrots got the wolf into handcuffs and he could no longer use his claws, he decided to use his teeth instead. Judy shouted at Nick to get the muzzle out of the car, but as soon as the uncivilized device was in his paws, he froze, feeling bile rise up in the back of his throat. All he could think of was the cool metal clamped around his jaws as a pup, and how it had dug into his snout until it drew blood, how he couldn't open his mouth to call out for help, and how he could barely even breathe, lungs seeming to shrivel up. It was a terrible device, truly. It was also necessary, though, and even though Judy needed it, he couldn't move. He was having trouble breathing himself, feeling it around his own snout.

Judy's scream broke him out of his daze, and Nick looked up to see the wolf's jaws clamped around one of her ears.

It healed quickly, and she was back at work the next day, but, there would always be the not-so-small tear in her left ear to remind him that he couldn't protect her, that maybe he was _not_ cut out for this life that he so loved. The sight never failed to send a cold shudder down his spine.

\- - o - -

5\. That wasn't the last, nor the least of Judy's injuries on the force, though, no. The two went to investigate the crime scene at a bank after an armed robbery not long after. They only had to record the scene and see if they could find any leads, but after they _did_ find a lead, they were intent on following it, as well.

The thing is, they may have underestimated the _'armed'_ part of their suspect. Judy charged in, maybe a bit too confident, Nick not far behind her. When he heard a loud bang, quickly followed by her scream, the second one from her he'd heard just that month, his blood ran cold.

The suspect ran off, but in that moment, with his partner lying on the ground, Nick couldn't care less. She wasn't moving and her uniform was quickly being soaked black with the volume of blood that it was absorbing. For one horrifying moment, he thought that the bullet had killed her. Upon sliding up to her on his knees, though, he saw that she was still conscious... barely.

Her face was contorted in pain, so much so that she could barely breathe, and Nick shouted at Clawhauser to send backup and a paramedic into his radio so hard that it felt as though his lungs might just drop out of his chest, before turning back to Judy.

He ran a paw through her fur and over her ear, not missing the tear that reminded him of last time that he couldn't protect her, and tried to calm her down, urging her to stay with him as she started to drift off into unconsciousness. He used his other paw to apply pressure to the wound, though it didn't help much.

Nick would never forget the sound of his frantic whispers, telling his precious Carrots that everything would be alright, being cut through by her pained whimpers.

\- - o - -

6\. It seemed to take forever to get any news when he was in the hospital waiting room, joined by both Clawhauser and Chief Bogo. They kept reminding him that no news was good news, but it didn't help. After two hours of excruciating silence, Nick finally broke down. He couldn't take it anymore, burried his face in his paws, and despite all of his best attempts not to, proceeded to bawl his little green eyes out, ears pinned so far back that they almost touched the back of his neck. It was the first time he cried since the mishap with the Junior Ranger Scouts all those years ago. He felt a large paw and a large hoof on his back, but once again, his superiors could do little to help.

Then, a news van rolled up, the reporter inside deciding to snap a picture of his meltdown to use in a feature story- something about proof of how compassionate a fox could be.

And that's when Nick snapped. He felt a growl rise up in the back of his throat as he gazed at the reporter- a sleek-furred zebra. For the first time in his life, he was scared that he'd not only live up to the stereotypes of a sneaky, cheating fox, but a vicious predator, too. Later, he'd be glad that Clawhauser and Bogo were there to restrain him.

\- - o - -

7\. Judy's doctor told her to take it easy, but she was back at work as soon as she was off of bedrest, tapping her foot rapidly against the ground as she impatiently awaited her assignment. Nick wished she'd stay home for just a few more days; he knew that Bogo would let her. Nick had made sure that Chief Bogo had her fitted for a bulletproof vest shortly after the incident, and triple checked that it fit right just that morning, much to Judy's annoyance. Still, the thought of her back out so soon made him feel sick. She looked fine as she greeted everyone after a long time away, but he knew better. He knew that under that vest and under that uniform, There was a bandage, a ton of gauze, some medicine, and so many stitches from when the surgeons had gone to fish out that bullet that Nick was surprised that they all fit on her tiny body, all just waiting to tear open when she inevitably pushed herself too hard.

Chief Bogo had told her to take it easy, but he was crazy if he thought that Judy would give her job anything but her all. Seeming to realize this, he gave the two parking duty that day, much to Judy's disdain. For once, Nick couldn't complain. He was so relieved that he could just about have melted into the floor.

Even on parking duty, though, Judy managed to sniff out trouble, and they found themselves nose to nose with another armed criminal. Nick didn't know what to do. He knew one thing, though: he couldn't let his Carrots out there- not in her condition. So, he did the first thing he could think of: he locked Judy in the back seat of the cop car and went to take care of the situation himself.

Without Judy by his side, though, he inevitably got hurt, while Judy watched in horror from the back seat, only being able to call for backup and see the whole scene play out.

He wasn't badly hurt; it was just a minor shoulder injury, and he'd be back at work the next day, maybe in two days at the most. But, when the other cops showed up, they still had to file a report about his injury, and why his partner wasn't there with him and instead locked in the back seat. He knew he was in trouble with the chief then, and when Judy refused to talk to him the whole way back to the station, he started to think that maybe he was _really_ not cut out for all of this police police business.

\- - o - -

8\. Having to stare up at Chief Bogo from a chair that was definitely made for much larger mammals would terrify just about anybody. Nick explained the whole situation and what had happened to make him lock judy in the backseat of the car, but he knew that there was no excuse; he knew that he sounded absolutely crazy. He knew that he was about to get fired.

Instead, the chief removed his glasses and rubbed his temples, likely trying to fend off an impending migraine.

"Officer Wilde, this is not a safe job. You knew that coming in," he said.

"I know, Chief."

"You two are my best team. I'd hate to have to remove you. You've been slipping lately."

"I know, chief." Nick replied, cringing and looking down at his paws. He didn't need Bogo to remind him of that. Judy's ear did enough of _that_ every day.

"Wilde, people get hurt on this job. That's a fact that you're just going to have to accept. But, Officer Hopps is one of the most skilled officers that I've ever had on this force. I trust her. I'd trust her with my life, in fact. Can I trust you to do the same?"

"Yes, chief," Nick replied with no hint of a sarcastic edge for once.

"Good. I need my top team back. As long as you can get me that team back, you're not in trouble… _this time."_

Nick nodded, promising himself that he'd get Zootopia's top team back in shape again. He missed that team, too.

\- - o - -

1\. When he exited Bogo's office, Judy was sitting outside waiting for him. They still hadn't spoken since the incident.

Nick walked up to her slowly, bent down, and checked the straps on her bulletproof vest for the fourth time that day.

"Nick!" Judy shouted, incredulous. She had been expecting an apology for Nick being so overprotective, no doubt, not Nick being even _more_ overprotective.

"What?" he had asked innocently. Judy proceeded to give him a look that might be able to burn through his soul if given enough time. He let out a sigh. "Listen… Judy, you're an amazing cop, and I'm just going to have to trust you from now on. I'm so sorry. I really am just a dumb fox… but I'm a dumb fox who is still going to be checking that vest of yours every day. Deal?"

Judy grinned and held up the carrot pen, quickly pressing play on it, and Nick immediately knew that he was forgiven.

 _'Judy you're an amazing cop, and I'm just going to have to trust you from now on. I'm so sorry. I really am just a dumb fox… but I'm a dumb fox who is still going to be checking that vest of yours every day.'_

"Deal."

"Forty-eight hours?" Nick asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Nope." Judy shook her head. She'd be keeping that one forever. That one was… _cute._

Nick playfully rolled his eyes at his Carrot's antics, and knew that Zootopia's greatest team would be just fine.

* * *

Thanks for reading! If you have time, any reviews would mean the world!


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